By Bill Fox/Columnist
Sometimes I think my hair is thinning from me scratching my head over things like this:
– If you use poison after the expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
– Which letter is silent in the word “scent,” the S or the C?
– Why is the letter W in English called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?
– Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
– The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims.”
– 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
– If you replace “W” with “T” in what, where and When, you get the answer to each of them.
– At a movie theatre, which armrest is yours?
– If money doesn’t grow on trees, how come banks have branches?
– How do you get off a non-stop flight?
– Why are goods sent by ship called “cargo” and those sent by truck called “shipment?”
– Why is it called “rush hour” when traffic moves at its slowest then?
– Why do we park in driveways, and drive on parkways?
– Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
– Why are wise men and wise guys opposites?
– Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
– If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
– Why is it that if someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
– Why do “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
– Why is there neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, and neither apple nor pine in pineapple?
– Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
– Does it make any sense that you fill in a form by filling it out?
– Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited?
– How does the man who drives the snowplow get to work?
– What’s a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
– Why is it that snow falls, but rain drops?
– Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a “near miss?” Shouldn’t it be called a “near hit?”
– Why do light switches say on/off? When it’s on you can see it’s on, when it’s off you can’t see to read.
– Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured catfood?
– Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors and lawyers call what they do “practice?”
– Do fish get thirsty?
– Do pilots take crash-courses?
– Can you cry under water?
– Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
– How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
– How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you’ve tried some of the others?
– How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
– Do penguins have knees?
– Why do they call it “chilli” if it’s hot?
– Why do they make cars go so fast it’s illegal?
– Why do we call them restrooms when no one goes there to rest?
– Why do you give your two cents worth when it’s only a penny for your thoughts?
– When the French swear do they say pardon my English?