Things that make you scratch your head

By Bill Fox/Columnist

Sometimes I think my hair is thinning from me scratching my head over things like this:

– If you use poison after the expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

– Which letter is silent in the word “scent,” the S or the C?

– Why is the letter W in English called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?

– Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

– The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims.”

– 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

– If you replace “W” with “T” in what, where and When, you get the answer to each of them.

– At a movie theatre, which armrest is yours?

– If money doesn’t grow on trees, how come banks have branches?

– How do you get off a non-stop flight?

– Why are goods sent by ship called “cargo” and those sent by truck called “shipment?”

– Why is it called “rush hour” when traffic moves at its slowest then?

– Why do we park in driveways, and drive on parkways?

– Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

– Why are wise men and wise guys opposites?

– Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

– If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

– Why is it that if someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

– Why do “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?

– Why is there neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, and neither apple nor pine in pineapple?

– Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

– Does it make any sense that you fill in a form by filling it out?

– Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited?

– How does the man who drives the snowplow get to work?

– What’s a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

– Why is it that snow falls, but rain drops?

– Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a “near miss?” Shouldn’t it be called a “near hit?”

– Why do light switches say on/off? When it’s on you can see it’s on, when it’s off you can’t see to read.

– Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured catfood?

– Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors and lawyers call what they do “practice?”

– Do fish get thirsty?

– Do pilots take crash-courses?

– Can you cry under water?

– Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

– How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?

– How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you’ve tried some of the others?

– How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

– Do penguins have knees?

– Why do they call it “chilli” if it’s hot?

– Why do they make cars go so fast it’s illegal?

– Why do we call them restrooms when no one goes there to rest?

– Why do you give your two cents worth when it’s only a penny for your thoughts?

– When the French swear do they say pardon my English?