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Passing along some words of wisdom

Bill FoxBy Bill Fox/Columnist

A friend sent me this as an email the other day, and I thought it was worth sharing and perhaps giving you a chuckle:

  • Jean Kerr: The only reason they say “women and children first” is to test the strength of the lifeboats
  • Prince Philip: When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
  • Emo Philips: A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
  • Harrison Ford: Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
  • Spike Milligan: The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.
  • Jean Rostand: Kill one man and you’re a murderer. Kill a million and you’re a conqueror.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger: Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars, but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.
  • WH Auden: We are here on Earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
  • Jonathan Katz: In hotel rooms, I worry – I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
  • Johnny Carson: If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
  • Warren Tantum: I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical.
  • Steve Martin: Hollywood must be the only place on Earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
  • Doug Hanwell: America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
  • George Roberts: The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
  • Jonathan Winters: If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
  • Robert Benchley: I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
  • John Glenn: As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind: every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
  • David Letterman: America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
  • Howard Hughes: I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Goddammit, I’m a billionaire.
  • Old Italian proverb: After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.