By Bill Fox/Columnist
Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case.
Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
If God is your co-pilot, switch seats.
If God sometimes seems so far away, who moved?
Teacher – “Tommy, who was not pleased at the return of the prodigal son?”
Tommy – ”The fatted calf.”
Religion is a kind of fire insurance.
Carl was asking Alan about his trip to Jerusalem. “Did you get to the Wailing Wall?,” asked Carl.
“I went to it,” said Alan, “But I couldn’t get near it for all the Leaf fans.”
“Say”, a reporter asked an Ontario Cabinet Minister, ‘Why is it that you people always answer a question with a question?
“Do we?,” the politician replied.
“Did you hear about the guy that fell into the vat at Molson’s Brewery?,”
“Did he drown?”
“Not right away. He got out twice to go to the washroom.”
Did you hear about the lawyer in the western Arctic who asked the defendant, “Where were you on the night of October 3rd to December 16th?”
A wise old radio announcer once observed: “It’s always comforting to know that in any one election contest, only one of the candidates gets elected.”
Seen on the bottom of some skis at the Oshawa Ski Club, “If you can read this, go for help.”
For my older golfing friends here are some golf quotes I researched:
- You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands works: Lee Trevino
- It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course: Babe Ruth
- Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course: Lee Trevino
- These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow: Sam Snead
- If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball: Jack Lemmon
- If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a one-iron. Not even God can hit a one-iron: Lee Trevino
- I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk, and a moose: Gerald Ford
- After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye: Chi Chi Rodriguez