Advice if you’re considering retiring

By Bill Fox/Columnist

Retirement experiences:

– Before deciding to retire from your job, stay at home for a week and watch daytime television.

– A recent retiree says he is tired of retirement: “I wake up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime I only have it half done.”

– Retirement happens when you overachieve in the area of experience.

– One wife about retirement: “Twice as much husband for half the income.”

– When a man retires and time is no longer of importance, his colleagues go and present him with a watch.

– Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money

– It gets to you when everyday is a Saturday.

– Retirement has cured many a businessman’s ulcer – and given his wife one.

– Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.

– Retirement is wonderful if you have much to live on and/or much to live for.

– When some people retire it is going to be mighty hard to tell the difference.

– One of the problems about retirement is that it gives you more time to read about the problems of retirement.

– I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it is time for my nap.

– I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.

– The biggest trouble with retiring is you end up having nothing to do and you can’t tell when you are done.

– A retiree says he’s been playing golf occasionally – but only on the days starting with “T”, Tuesdays, Thursdays, Today and Tomorrow.

– The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time.

– Retired is being tired twice. First tired of working, then tired of not.

– The only problem with retirement is you never get a day off.

– The other bad thing about retirement is, you can’t call in sick.

– You are ready for retirement when half the things in your shopping cart say: “For fast relief.”

– Retirement is a night owl’s dream – you finally don’t have to do mornings.

–  I’m retiring I’m not dying.

– Enjoy every retirement day as if it was your last day; one day you will be right about it.

 

Useful quotes:

– “Retire? I’m going to stay in show business until I’m the only one left.” – George Burns

– “Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.” – George Burns

– “Retirement means doing whatever I want to do. It means I have a choice.” – Dianne Nahirny

– “The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.” – Vince Lombardi

– “It is nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” – Gene Perret

– “I think retirement beats the heck out of ‘life after death’.” – Martina Navratilova

– “Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” – Fred Rogers

– “As your life changes, it takes time to recalibrate, to find your values again. You might also find that retirement is the time when you stretch out and find your potential.” – Sid Miramontes

 

Retirement prayer:

– Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

I’m at bdfox@rogers.com if you care to comment.