By Bill Fox/Columnist
- The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
- Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
- If you don’t have a sense of humour, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
- Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
- A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
- How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
- Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
- Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
- Stroke a cat and you will have a permanent job.
- No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.
- There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
- There are worse things than getting a call from a wrong number at 4 a.m. For example, it could be the right number(think about this one).
- No one ever says, “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
- I’ve reached the age where “happy hour” is a nap.
- Be careful about reading the fine print – there’s no way you’re going to like it.
- The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
- Do you realize that in about 30 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
- Money can’t buy happiness, but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Ford.
- After 80, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you’re probably dead.
- Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
- My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.
- God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer to her first question
- I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
- Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
- Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Answering machine message:
“I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to the wall, and when it rang, I answered it not knowing who was calling. It’s amazing I’m still alive.
I still have a landline, or as I like to call it, “a cell phone finder”.
When young people tell me about their problems, I like to tell them that story about that time I survived without my cell phone or Internet for 40 years.
Remember, “Politicians and diapers should be changed often and for the same reason.”