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A list of 35 punny sounds!

Bill FoxBy Bill Fox/Columnist

  1. The fattest knight at King Arthur´s round table was Sir Circumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
  2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
  3. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
  4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it´ll still be stationery.
  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  8. Two silk worms had a race; they ended up in a tie.
  9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: `You stay here; I´ll go on a head. ´

  1. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger, and then it hit me.
  2. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: `Keep off the Grass. ´
  3. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  4. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  5. A backward poet writes inverse.
  6. In a democracy it´s your vote that counts. In feudalism it´s your count that votes.
  7. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
  8. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you´d be in Seine.
  9. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, `I´m sorry sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger. ´
  10. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, `Dam! ´
  11. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can´t have your kayak and heat it too.
  12. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, `I´ve lost my electron. ´ The other says, `Are you sure? ´ The first replies, `Yes, I´m positive. ´
  13. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

  1. A geologist exploring an earthquake fell to his death through no fault of his own.
  2. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did

28.The worst thing about throwing a party in space?  You have to planet.

29.Yesterday a clown held the door open for me.  I thought it was a nice jester.

30.I ate too much Middle Eastern Food.  Now I Falafel.

  1. I was walking through a quarry and said to the foreman, “That’s a big rock!” “Boulder,” he replied.  So I puffed out my chest and Shouted, “That’s an enormous Rock!”
  2. I serve my Eggs Benedict on a golden platter.  There’s no plates like Gold for Hollandaise.
  3. It was an emotional Wedding.  Even the cake was in tiers.

34.There was an explosion at a Cheese factory in France.  De-Brie everywhere.

  1. It’s hard to explain puns to a Kleptomaniac, because they always take things Literally.