By Bill Fox/Columnist
I’m getting rather tired of all the latest news and updates about COVID-19, so this week someone sent me these diversions from our physical distancing restraints. I hope you enjoy these as I did.
- The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
- She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
- A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
- No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
- A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other:
‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’
- I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
- The fortune-teller with dwarfism who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
- When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
- If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine
- A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
- Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
- Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
- Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
Something else to think about:
– “When you see that in order to produce you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing. When you see that money is flowing to those who deal not in goods, but in favours. When you see that men get richer by graft and by pull rather than work, and your laws don’t protect you against them, but protect them against you. When you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice, you may know that society is doomed.”- Ayn Rand, 1957
– Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Blame yourself for going to the Circus – (Trump?).
Please keep healthy in body and mind and find happiness in our new challenges and opportunities.
I’m at email@example.com, and thank you for your recent emails.