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Help to get through this week

Bill Fox

Bill Fox

By Bill Fox/Columnist

Many of us are dealing with “COVID fatigue,” and as mentioned in a recent column, a new study revealed that laughing for two minutes can be just as beneficial as jogging for 20, so here is your daily exercise:

– On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”

– Sister Anne Schenk, who recently passed away, had a favourite line she said to parents of new Grade 9 students. “Don’t listen to all that your child says happened at school, and we won’t listen to all they say that happened at home.”
– A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”
– A four-year-old boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
– While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”
– A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.” “And why not, darling?” “You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.”
– While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, a minister heard a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with dignity gave his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Feather, and unto the Sun, and into the hole he goooes.”
– A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?”  With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”

And a buddy sent me some more signs that were seen that perhaps apply to what I call “COVID Times”:

– Bread is a lot like the sun; it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

– What happens if you get scared to death, twice?

– My wife said I never listen to her, or something like that.

– I checked into the hokey pokey clinic and turned myself around.

– Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?

And for scrabble players like myself:

– Why are words that end in ough have such different pronunciations such as bough, cough, rough, dough, through and though?

– Is the s or c silent in scent?

– Why does fridge have a d, but refrigerator does not?

– If you can drink a drink, why can’t you food a food?

– Why is the word, queue, just Q, followed by four silent letters?

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