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We are not out to pasture…but…

Bill Fox

Bill Foxill

By Bill Fox/Columnist

Certainly when I was younger I stereotyped a lot of seniors, but now that I am a senior I want to clarify some things for younger generations:

– Occasionally I get up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror and think, “That can’t be accurate.”

– My mind sometimes is like an Internet browser. There are 10 tabs open, three of which are frozen, and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

– Age is just a number – just like jail is just a room.

– I miss the 80s when bread was still good for you, and no one knew what kale was.

– I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with. She said, “Yes, all the others had been nines and tens.”

– Most people don’t think I’m as old as I am until they hear me trying to stand up.

– As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I’m sure of is it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

– Getting older is just one body part after another saying, “Ha ha, you think that’s bad, just watch this.”

– I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

– Now that I’m older, I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do, it’s because I missed my exit.

Some wisdom from celebrities:

Phyllis Diller:

– “Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”

– “I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do!”

George Burns:

– “At my age, flowers scare me.”

– “Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.”

– “He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.”

– “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

“When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.” – Will Rogers

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” – Woody Allen

“I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.” – Andy Rooney

“There is only one cure for grey hair. A Frenchman invented it. It is called the guillotine.” – P.G. Wodehouse

“My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.” – Rita Rudner

“I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas’.” – Claude Pepper

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope

“So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.” – George Carlin

 

I’m so old that:

-I have dialed a rotary phone that didn’t have an answering machine.

-I have recorded a song I loved off a transistor radio onto a tape recorder.

-I watched black and white TV with less than 10 channels, and the TV had aluminum foil on the tips of the rabbit ear antenna.

-I have taken a long walk without counting the steps.

-I have eaten food that I never took pictures of.

Finally it’s true that I’m so old I actually attended the first Beatles concert in Toronto and the first Rolling Stones concert in Maple Leaf Gardens Believe it or not, I also attended four Toronto Maple Leaf Stanley Cup parades – now that is old – but I still remember my email bdfox@rogers.com.

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