A challenge not to be part of this story!
By Bill Fox/Columnist
Many years ago, Jim and Judy got married. He worked as an accountant, and Judy was a nurse. With their combined incomes, they were able to move from Toronto to Oshawa in order to buy their first home – a small, older house.
A few years later, Jim was promoted. He was not thrilled with his new position, but the money was better and it could lead to further promotions. Judy became pregnant and wanted to be a stay at home mother. Despite losing her income, they were able to make ends meet even after their daughter was born.
Some time later, Jim and Judy became the proud parents of a second child, another beautiful girl. Fortunately, Jim had received another promotion and a substantial raise. His new job put a lot of pressure on him as he had to travel a lot, and this meant seeing less of his family. Eating out caused him to gain considerable weight, but he became more and more important to his new company.
Continually bringing work home, Jim realized he would need a home office, so they decided to move into a larger, more expensive home further out from Oshawa where there could be an office and more space to entertain business associates. The kids were not happy about leaving their school and friends, and Jim didn’t like the further commute, but he felt he had no choice.
The newer home took a lot of work to maintain and it seemed that Jim and Judy spent all of their spare hours making the lawn perfect, painting, cleaning and driving their two young daughters to their activities. Jim felt guilty about not spending enough time with his daughters and to compensate, he bought them just about anything they wanted.
Eventually, Judy had to return to work in order to afford the upkeep of their new home. She found that returning to work was not as fulfilling as previously, and the further commute also put a lot of stress on her. She also gained weight and with the tension and stress, there seemed to be a lot more anger at home.
Eventually, Jim and Judy decided to join a gym to help with their weight problems. This took even more time away from their children, whose grades began to slip. Judy became depressed about her appearance, and felt she was no longer attractive to Jim, and as a result, intimacy was at a minimum. Jim, in turn, felt rejected and sought the companionship of a younger woman from his office. Their affair made Jim deceive his wife and children, and as a result he spent even more time away from home.
In time, Judy found out about the affair and filed for a divorce. The divorce had a great cost both in money and emotional strain. Jim rented an upscale apartment in Toronto and spent a lot of time socializing. Alcohol and shallow relationships took their toll, as Jim was lonelier than he had ever experienced. Eventually, the courts ordered him to undergo treatment for his drinking. Judy spent several years and thousands of dollars in therapy trying to get her life back on track. Their daughters were young adults by now, and neither Jim nor Judy really felt that they knew them any longer.
Where did Jim and Judy go wrong? They started out with secure jobs, had enough income to look after everything they needed and were committed to each other and to their young family.
Did they try to find fulfillment in things? Did what they own become more important than who they were? In today’s world, is the prestige of certain jobs more important than our relationships with family and neighbours? Is the condition of our homes more important than the condition of our emotions? Do we become possessed by possessions? Do we buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like? I hope not!
Bdfox@rogers.com is where I listen to your comments and suggestions.