A break from the seriousness

By Bill Fox/Columnist

A friend sent the following gems of Wisdom. Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane was an American country/cowboy sage. These sayings are attributed to him:

1.   Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
2.   Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3.   There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4.   Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5.   Always drink spring water upstream from the herd.
6.   If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7.   The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8.   There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9.    Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10.   If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
11.   Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.

I also found these tidbits about when you know you are growing older…as if we needed help;

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it

Second ~The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me.  I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra…

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging, is that it’s such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.

And finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.

Finally, it’s been a while since I broke out with a gut laugh at a joke, but my buddy Al. C. told me about this story of a guy going fishing.

“Darling,” he says, “I just got invited by my boss to go on a weekend company fishing trip. We’re leaving right after work so would you mind packing some things for me? I’ll need my blue silk pajamas, two days’ worth of clothes, toiletries, my fishing pole, and my tackle box. Oh, and please remember my blue silk pajamas.”

The husband arrives home a few hours later and his wife has a suitcase, his fishing pole, and his tackle box ready for him. “Thanks, honey, I’ll be leaving now. Did you remember to pack my blue silk pajamas?”

“Yes, dear, I packed your blue silk pajamas.”

The husband returns home on Sunday night and his wife greets him and asks how his fishing trip was.

“It was great,” he says, “Lots of pickerel, bass and pike and lots of useful networking. Only problem was that you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.”

“No I didn’t,” she said, “they were in your tackle box.”

As we enter into July, my hope is everyone has their second shot, and we begin the ‘new normal’, in good spirits. I’m at bdfox@rogers.com if you care to send me your funniest jokes for a future column.