By Bill Fox/Columnist
As we start a new decade, I sadly still don’t have the answers to so many questions – despite being on this earth for more than 70 years.
So I have made a list and hope to get some of these answers from you, my readers, before the next decade.
– Why do the “Alphabet Song,” “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” and “Baa Baa Black Sheep” have the same tune?
– Why did you just try to sing those previous songs?
– Why are eggs packaged in a flimsy carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that’s tough as nails?
– Why is there a D in “fridge” but not in refrigerator?
– Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, yet dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts?” Where’s that extra penny going?
I don’t know who let the dogs out!
Where’s the beef?
How do you get to Sesame Street?
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
Just what exactly is Victoria’s secret?
Where the heck is Waldo?
How do you grow a seedless fruit?
Do you consider eyebrows facial hair?
If you were shorter than someone, would it be possible to talk down to them?
What hair colour do they list on bald people’s driver’s licenses?
Do prison buses have emergency exits?
What do you call a fly without its wings?
Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
If tomatoes are a fruit, is ketchup considered a smoothie?
If you had a dream that none of your dreams would come true, and you woke up and had none of your real life dreams come true, would that be a dream come true?
If you told someone to “be a leader and not a follower,” wouldn’t they become a follower by following your advice?
If the early bird gets the worm, why do good things come to those who wait?
If Cinderella’s shoe fit her perfectly, then why did it fall off?
Who taught the first ever teacher? Why do noses run but feet smell?
If you drop your soap on the floor, does the floor become clean or does the soap become dirty?
Isn’t it true when you wait for the waiter to come back with your order, you become the waiter in the process?
Do caterpillars know that they’re going to be butterflies or do they build the cocoon not knowing what will happen?
How did the person who invented the calendar know what day it was?
Why did we decide to give February just 28 days when a lot of other months have 31 days? Couldn’t we have just taken some of the 31st days from other months and added them to February?
Why are they called buildings if they’re already built?
If the number two pencil is the most popular, why is it number two?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really it’s coming on?
Does a two-humped camel store more fat than a one-humped camel?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
Why isn’t the caps lock capitalized?
Why is there no pine or apple in pineapple?
If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant, do they have to wear hairnets?
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state: “Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?”
When the French swear do they say “Pardon my English?”
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Finally what does the fox say? This fox says, thanks for reading my 700th column, and thanks to the editorial team at the The Oshawa Express for editing and printing it.
I can be reached at email@example.com if you have any questions.