People say the darndest things
By Bill Fox/Columnist
Sometimes I get sent humourous sayings or quotes. I look up some of these to see if they are authentic by going to snopes.com, a site that checks on the authenticity of things we see on the Internet. However, for the following quotes, Snopes could not verify or deny, so therefore, neither can I.
But they are darn interesting:
– Lillian Carter, the mother of President Jimmy Carter and the outlandish Billy, apparently once said, “Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin!’”
– Eleanor Roosevelt: “I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’”
– Mark Twain: “Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.”
– George Burns: “The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.”
– Victor Borge: “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.”
– Mark Twain: “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
– Socrates: “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
– Groucho Marx: “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
– Jimmy Durante: “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then, she stops to breathe.”
– Alex Levine: “Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.”
– Rodney Dangerfield: “My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.”
– Joe Namath: “Until I was 13, I thought my name was Shut Up.”
– Bob Hope: “I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”
– W. C. Fields: “I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
– Winston Churchill: “Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.”
– Phyllis Diller: “Maybe it’s true that life begins at 50, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.”
– Billy Crystal: “By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.”
As a public service, I have listed three other submissions to Snopes…can you guess if they are true or false?
- In June 2015, a series of rumours (some versions of which had been circulating months earlier) spread online regarding a comet purportedly expected to hit the Earth between Sept. 15 and 28, 2015. Reports of comet fears appeared on web sites. That one is false – there are no comets coming during those dates, as far as we know!
- Just a reminder – 31 days from today, cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sales calls. You will be charged for these calls. To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone. This one is also false – in fact, I got this warning just a few weeks ago. It has been circulating since 2005!
- On July 9, the web site Newswatch33 published an article titled “Woman’s butt implants explode while doing squats for an Instagram workout video!” The story of the exploding butt implants was picked up and run by media outlets such as the popular women’s magazine Cosmopolitan, but it was all fabricated, ‘butt’ it had me going there for a while!
As always, I can be contacted at bdeefox@hotmail.com…and that is the truth!