Can you spot the wisest saying?

By Bill Fox/Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
6. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
10. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
11. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
12. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
13. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
14. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
15. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
16. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
17. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
18. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
19. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
20. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
21. You should not confuse your career with your life.
22. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
23. Never lick a steak knife.
24. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
25. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
26. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
27. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
28. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
29. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
30. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don’t have a leg to stand on.
31. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
32. Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don’t have film.
33. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
34. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
35. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.