A smile is contagious

By Bill Fox/Columnist

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humour, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Stroke a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call from a wrong number at 4 a.m. For example, it could be the right number(think about this one).
13. No one ever says, “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
14.  I’ve reached the age where “happy hour” is a nap.
15. Be careful about reading the fine print – there’s no way you’re going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 30 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
18. Money can’t buy happiness, but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Ford.
19. After 80, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you’re probably dead.
20. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
21. My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.
22. God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer to her first question
23. I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
24. Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
25. Aspire to inspire before you expire.

Answering machine message:

“I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.  I am making some changes in my life.  Please leave a message after the beep.  If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to the wall, and when it rang, I answered it not knowing who was calling.  It’s amazing I’m still alive.

I still have a landline, or as I like to call it, “a cell phone finder”.

When young people tell me about their problems, I like to tell them that story about that time I survived without my cell phone or Internet for 40 years.

Remember, “Politicians and diapers should be changed often and for the same reason.”