Laughing keeps us well

By Bill Fox/Columnist

I invite you to look up what the Mayo Clinic staff have to say about laughing. They start with this quote, “When it comes to relieving stress, more giggles and guffaws are just what the doctor ordered.” So with that in mind, my resident joke sharer “Mike” sent me these and as he shared them with me, I also share with you.

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20-minute jog. So now I sit in the park and laugh at all the joggers.

Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine.

I finally stopped drinking for good. Now I just drink for evil.

I got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the sign “stroke patients here” meant something completely different than I assumed.

They say we can have gatherings with up to 25 people without issues. I don’t even know 25 people without issues.

Friend: “Look! Your husband is talking to another girl.” Me: “Let him. I want to see how long he can suck-in his stomach.”

I went line dancing last night. Well… it was a roadside sobriety test…same thing…

Theme parks can snap a crystal clear picture of you on a roller coaster going 70 mph, but bank cameras can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.

Did you know that people who look after chickens are literally Chicken Tenders?

The fastest land mammal is not a cheetah … it’s a toddler who has just been asked, “What’s in your mouth?”

The more I get to know people, the more I realize why Noah only let animals on the boat.

Facial recognition software can pick a person out of a crowd but the vending machine at work can’t recognize a dollar bill with a bent corner.

When my wife is mad at me, I tighten all the jar lids so she has to talk to me.

COVID-19 Fact: 87 per cent of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed.

Every day, vegetarians kill thousands of innocent plants. Help stop the violence – eat bacon.

I never make the same mistake twice. I do it like, five or six times, you know, to make sure.

I know it’s time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it’s an extra passenger who isn’t wearing a seat belt.

In the 1980s I fell off my bike and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because we didn’t have social media then.

Some people seem to have aged like fine wine. I aged like milk … I got sour and chunky.

I still have a full deck, I just shuffle slower.

A mosquito just landed on my husbands’ face… easiest decision of my life…

 

And something I think we can all relate to…

I needed to do the laundry, but then I realized I was out of detergent, so I went to write a shopping list and realized how unorganized the junk drawer was, and started checking pens for ink.

When I went to toss all the junk, I saw that the trash was full but before I took it out I wanted to get rid of old food in the fridge.

That’s when I realized a juice jug had leaked so I needed to clean it up but when I went to grab a rag, I saw that the pantry closet which included old pictures was a nightmare so I started organizing it.

And that’s how I ended up on the floor looking at my old photo albums from the 1990s and not doing laundry.

So again, thanks to my buddy Mike for sharing these jokes. As a reward, I will give him half of my Express salary this month…if he can answer this skill-testing question: one-half x 0 =

Always accepting correspondence and money at “Bdfox@rogers.com.”